Being an ‘L’ Board, Being a Woman

Horns blaring amidst traffic…Fellow drivers muttering swear words-some under their breath, some loudly…A peep would show a car with an ‘L’ board sign and a driver, in most cases a woman, struggling to get the car started.

This is a common sight in any place, especially in India. Our roads have never been friendly enough to learners, thanks to narrow lanes and a more or less invisible dividing lines and increasing traffic congestion which has made everyone irritable to even slightest disturbance. But the question is, can this be quoted as a mere reason for ill-treating a person?

When I first sat behind the wheels without the driving school instructor by my side, my instant fear was not of the huge lorries and buses on road but of those men who’d pounce on me the second I happen to make a mistake on road. I was a beginner … clutch and break coordination was still a far dream. When I halted the car within few minutes and tried to restart, my first villain entered the scene… a lorry driver. The very sight numbed me. I tried to get the car started a number of times and it seemed like an eternity. By the time, my villain had started shouting at me and the passers-by who otherwise have no time to even help an accident victim, halted just like my car engine to cherish the sight. Controlling my tears, I just got down and asked my brother who had accompanied me, to take charge. I was ashamed of my incompetence, my ‘L’ board and hated myself for being a woman-for whom driving doesn’t come as easily as it does for men. After all that is what science magazines say!

With the help of my friend Sumitha, who had just learnt to drive and had experienced all such angry glares and comments, I started to understand what was happening was no fault of mine. I have looked at how well she drove and yet-there have been instances where she faced the taunt of other drivers for no reason. Realization dawned that it was not only because I’m an ‘L’ Board but also because I’m a woman. These people out there carry the same old stereotype I carry – women are bad drivers.

With that change in my understanding, there were no more tears in my eyes …no more guilt… I stopped blaming my sex, for not being able to park my car perfectly. All I need is practice. The instant I reached level 2 in driving, I removed my ‘L’ Board and immediately realised there were no more horn sounds! Hurrah! [Level 4: I might kill someone Level 3: I am definitely going to hit the standing cow! Level 2: What bad are a few scratches going to do that car? Level 1: Whom are you messing with? Catch me if you can! ] I was no more taunted by whatever words garbled by men on road. I was able to laugh at the male cyclist who threw the blame on me for honking when he collided with another cyclist. Buddy…whom are you kidding? My horn was shorter than a message beep! The traffic police, who left the speeding male motorist but howled at me for stopping the car beyond the STOP line, looked like a comic character out of a book… hey! I had the guts to stop while the other fellow ran away, hadn’t I?

Driving has not only taught me how to reach places but also how to be confident and how to deal with people. It has made me strong enough to not to take undeserved guilt. It has taught me my lessons I’d carry for my life time.

We find men even women at times blaming other women of being bad drivers. Given that our roads and people are not learner friendly, all I’d tell my dear ‘L’ board women is, not all men are perfect drivers and not all women are bad drivers. Laugh it off when people mock, for soon you’ll be a splendid driver, with the ticking clock. Being an ‘L’ board is ‘tough’; being a woman is ‘tougher’; being both is ‘toughest’. Once you’ve passed this phase, believe me…you’d be racing your way merrily with lessons for lifetime.

Oh! By the way did you ask how good I am at parking my car now? Hee! Hee! Level 2…But wait! Practice makes a woman perfect-you know?

எதிர்பார்ப்பு

சக ஊழியர்கள் எதிர்பார்ப்பை தீர்க்கிறதா நான் செய்யும் பணி

என்று நித்தம் நினைக்கிறேன் ...

என் வாழ்வோடு பிணைந்த பலரின் எதிர்பார்ப்புகளையோ மறக்கத்துடிக்றேன் ....

என்னோடு அமர்ந்து ஒரு நொடி பேசக்கூடாதா ?

என் தாயின் எதிர்பார்ப்பு

குடும்ப சுமைகளை நான் தாங்குவேன்;

இன்ப நிகழ்வுகளை உன்னோடு பகிரட்டுமா?

என் தந்தையின் எதிர்பார்ப்பு

பல கதைகள் பேசினோம் அன்று...

ஒரு நொடி மௌனமாகவேனும்

என் அருகில் அமர்வாயா?

என் தமக்கையின் எதிர்பார்ப்பு

மகிழ்ச்சியான தருணங்கள் நம் கடந்த காலத்திலுண்டு...

அதை அசைப்போட்டு சுகம் காண வர மாட்டாயா?

என் நண்பர்களின் எதிர்பார்ப்பு

அவர்களுக்கு புரியுமா? இந்த எதிர்பார்ப்புகள் என் ஏக்கம் ஆனது ?

எதிர்பார்ப்புகளின் தேக்கம் ... எங்களுக்கு இடையே மேலும் மேலும் தேங்குகிறது...

எதிர்பார்ப்புகளை சந்திக்க முடியாததன் குற்ற உணர்வும் கூட...

ஒரு நாள்... ஒரு மணி நேரம்... ஒரு நொடி...

இத்தனை உனர்வுகளில் இருந்து விடுபட்டு மகிழ்ச்சியை மட்டும்

இறக்கையாகக்கொண்டு பறக்க வேண்டும்...

நிறைவேறுமா??? என் எதிர்பார்ப்பு...

All that she did was to be born a woman

What should a woman do when she is raped?
Answer:
1. She has to scream.
2. Scratch the rapist’s face, struggle and try to escape.
3. Should pledge her life and fight even when he points a gun.
4. When he has finished rampaging her body, she should go to a cliff top to die as she has lost her modesty and virginity, which she has preserved only for her husband.
[or]
5. Go to police, file a complaint, take the culprit to court and fight for justice.

Oh yes… not to forget the society… it will call her a woman of loose morale… she will be shunned by her own family… but still she has to fight on… in the end there will be a man who will give her life by tying the knot and the entire society will praise him “What a benevolent man!”

It might sound filmy, but this is how we expect every case of rape to be…

Those who say NO should think how we place a woman who lost her life while struggling with a rapist and a woman who silently consented because she did not want to be killed by the rapist...

In 1970s Mathura… a 14-year old tribal girl eloped with her lover. Her brother lodged a complaint with the police to find the whereabouts of his sister. Police eventually found the couple. What happened next was a barbaric act committed by not only by the 2 police men but also by…the court

While her relatives were waiting outside, in the name of investigation the police took her in. The two police men raped her when the girl was too shocked and paralysed to scream.
The case came for hearing on 1st June, 1974 in the sessions court.

The Judgement

Mathura was accused of being a liar. It was stated that since she was ‘habituated to sexual intercourse’ her consent was voluntary; under the circumstances only sexual intercourse could be proved and not rape.

However there ought to be atleast one or two sensitive judges, right?

On appeal the Nagpur bench of the Bombay High Court set aside the judgment of the Sessions Court, and sentenced the accused namely Tukaram and Ganpat to one and five years of rigorous imprisonment respectively. The Court held that passive submission due to fear induced by serious threats could not be construed as consent or willing sexual intercourse.

Oh wait! We have the Supreme Court as well! Would you like to know what the Supreme Court ordered?

The Supreme Court again acquitted the accused policemen. The Supreme Court held that Mathura had raised no alarm; and also that there were no visible marks of injury on her person thereby negating the struggle by her.

This is the status of women not just in 1970s but even today. This is just an example of how our law and law enforcers are… Women’s movement took up Mathura’s case and fought a hard struggle for justice. According to National Crime Records Bureau's ‘Crime Clock'-2005 one rape is committed every 29 minutes in India. If this was the fate of the case, which was fought ardently by women’s movement, imagine the status of thousands of other women who have no support and whose souls are crushed saying that she is the one who has to be blamed.

So does it mean every girl who is raped should scream and fight till she is choked to death? If the rapist does not kill her in her struggle, should she kill herselves like our movies protray women to be??! Just because a girl or woman is forced to consent by threat, we shall not deem that it is NOT rape. When someone is threatened with a gun to surrender all the money they have, no one has a doubt in confirming that it IS theft. When a women is threatened and forced to have sex, we say “she is habituated to sex” or when she’s forced to have sex with her boss who threatens to throw her out of her job, we say “Well, she was the one who consented. She always had the option of saying NO and walking out of the job! Is a job more important to her?”

So a woman who has no other go other than sticking to one job to feed her family, shall be exploited? And then we leave the one who forced her saying that it was she who consented? Is a woman’s life centred only around her body? We all say NO but we all also know this is the reality.

What I have written here is just a drop in the ocean. Right from medical officers who give the report as “No symptom of rape”, when a 6 year old’s hymen is not torn but… her private parts are battered and butchered by a two legged animal, to Judges who free 20 year old rapists because it is their first crime… we have numerous examples as to how women are raped not only by these men but raped of their right by our very own judicial system and society.

If a man is beaten-up, we’ve supporters who gather. But in the case of rape, a victim is victimised again… and again…and again… when all that she did was to be born a woman….

Dream

Bomb blasts & riots … killing innocent lives…

who were in the recent past dreaming of buying a scooty to show off among friends…
who were hurrying back home in order to not get scolded for coming in late…
who were walking joyfully holding the fingers of the grandparents…
who were pondering whether their loved one will agree their proposal to get married...

Their lives gone, even before they realise their dreams will now exist only in their diaries which they protected from their siblings who tried to read it stealthily…

Killed by someone whom they had never seen… whose dreams were replaced with someone else’s vengeance… who was made to think death through massacres is martyrdom and butchering innocent people will bring those who kill, the undiscovered freedom.

Dreams can be called a distant reality…of past or of future, we often do not know.

I wish to hold my dream as a reality, which will be achieved in future…

Yes… it is definitely an achievement to make our world a safe place for everyone to live in… where human beings do not destroy each other after all for identities – country, religion, caste, community… where everyone realises we belong to one human race and love is easier than hatred…where humanity is not butchered in the name of war for peace…

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The world marches on,
Why should it not turn around?
- Arthur Rimbaud